Bye Bye Baby Pouch!!

My before and afters:

I didn't find out that my insurance finally approved my abdominalplasty until 2 days before it actually happened... virtually no time to prepare!! They denied it 3 times, but finally... APPROVED!!

No Butt in the front anymore!!! Had 2 of these drains in...nasty!

Floyd Road

Roaches were everywhere. My usual meal, a bowl of corn flakes was typically full of roach carcasses, as was most everything in our cabinets.... dead roaches, live roaches and roach droppings on everything. We knew where to not stand on the kitchen floor because there was a hole that went through to the basement. I could always sneak in my grandmother's cabinet and find fruity flavored tums that I could devour before anyone knew, as well as her bag of makeup. It was grown up makeup and I loved it! The kitchen was my grandparents room. That is where they stayed. Sitting at the kitchen table, watching the news on a tiny black and white tv that sat on the counter top.

We had to be careful not to kink the tubes of my grandma's oxygen lines that ran throughout the house. We also had to remember to scream at her anytime she would light a cigarette with the machine hooked to her face. That would have been a bad situation, and as much as she smoked like a haystack, I'm quite surprised we never had an explosion. Every morning we would wake up, open up the windows and hang our heads out them trying to breathe fresh air. I'm fairly certain that I have some degree of lung damage from the second hand smoke I was exposed to growing up.

Somehow after my Aunt died in a tragic car wreck, I inherited her room. I was the oldest and I had my own room. My brothers and sister had to sleep wherever they could. At various times, we had a set of bunkbeds in the living room, a pull out couch, or simply a pallet of the floor. Looking back, I wish I had shared that room with my sister.

My grandparent's room was big and had a king size bed. The floor was wooden and one wall was covered in mirrored tiles. I used to love to skate around their floor and watch myself in the mirror. I remember being told growing up that it was a dance studio. I bet they lied to me though. This is also the room I hid in and kissed a pillow, pretending it was Bon Jovi. My grandparent's had a drawer full of 8 track tapes. This is also where the possessed Teddy Ruxpin spoke without batteries and where I was sleeping when I heard my family crying as the sheriff told my grandparent's that their daughter had fallen asleep in her car, just down the street from our house. She hit a tree. The car went up in flames. She never got out.

Our bathroom floor was just a few sheets of plywood nailed down. From time to time my grandfather had to replace the plywood because it was start rotting around the toilet and tub. It wasn't too assuring to rock back and forth as you sat on the toilet, afraid that the rotten floor was going to give way. This is also the room where my sister knocked me in the head with a pair of pliers because our tub faucet didn't have handles. I bleed all in the tub. This was just one of the times my sister knocked me in the head, resulting in a blood bath. My dresser was in the bathroom. I remember having to carefully scoot my clothes around the drawers until I found what I needed. There were always used needles stuck under my clothes in the dresser.

There was never any grass in the yard, just a bunch of dirt- Georgia clay as my grandfather would call it. If he was ever outside, he'd be sitting under the tree in the side yard. This was a great place to corner him and ask for money to walk to the drug store down the road. I learned how to drive a car in this yard too. There were woods behind our house. They were magical woods, always full of adventure. I also had my first kiss in these woods. Good thing no one ever told my mom that!

The screen front door hardly ever had a screen, at least not one that was completely attached. We did have a swing on the front porch, though I was usually too embarrassed to sit outside where people from school might see me at that house. There was green mold all over the siding and black grease stains all down the side of the house from the kitchen window. We even had a shed in the back yard, actually we lived in that shed with our mom at one point. Unfortunately, my brothers set it on fire, as well as my mom's bedroom. It's amazing that's the worst that they ever did!

This house holds so many memories. Not good ones for the most part. I haven't seen it in years. I hear it is boarded up and the land has been for sale for quite some time. Tomorrow, I head that way, hoping I am brave enough to enter.

Taken Away

I am the oldest of 4 children. At 12 years old, I awoke early one morning to a screaming and threats from my mother to my grandparents. She was demanding my grandmother's medication and money for beer. The sun had barely even come up. This actually wasn't anything out of the ordinary, it just didn't usually happen this early and didn't typically involve butcher knives. Yes, my mother had threatened my sleeping grandparents with a butcher knife over beer and pills. Somehow, my grandparents managed to sneak out the back door. What we didn't know was they were on their way to the police station.

After the dust settled, and I managed to get my youngest brother off to school who I believe was in kindergarten at the time, my sister began trying to clean up the small, unfit, what had become a shack, that we lived in. Myself, my sister, and my other brother didn't make it to school on this particular day, which also wasn't out of the ordinary. We missed alot of school. I sat at the kitchen table with my mother, reading each other's horoscopes, while propping my feet up on the cabinets to avoid the maggots on the kitchen floor from being able to crawl on my feet. All of a sudden, we heard a knock on our back door, and it opens. "Are you Kellie Phillips? You have the right to remain silent..." They handcuffed my mother. I'll never forget it. A detective walked around our house proclaiming to my mother that he "Wouldn't even let his dog live in this garbage."

They took my mother away. We were left with 2 detectives, one took my sister and brother who were home, while I rode with the other detective to my youngest brother's school. They had already made a call to his principal to keep him off of the bus and at the school that day. I'll never forget walking into the office of the school with my baby brother waiting there, not understanding what was going on as I led him to the detective's car. I didn't even know how to explain it.

We were taken to the police station. They offered us food which I declined. They asked if we had head lice, which I knew at our house, we all kept them despite the treatment efforts. I lied and said, "No." I was so embarrassed. They let me speak to my grandmother on the phone. I remember being so angry with her. So full of rage. If she had not gone to the police they would not have taken us away. They took us away. It began to set in. From this day forward, we would never be with our mother again.

Our social worker was contacted. Her name was Patty. She was a nice lady with long brown hair. From time to time, she would visit us at school, calling us out of class to ask us one-on-one if we were being hurt, or left hungry. My younger cousin once told her that we had giant rats living in our house. I knew we did, but I was old enough to know to deny it. I remembered all of the things I was told to say if anyone asked. She loaded all four of us into her jeep. We were going to a foster home.

2 Months, Hello Colic!

Annabelle decided to develop colic when she was around 4 weeks. She typically SCREAMS from about 5-9 pm every single day. She also screams every time she is in the car. We tried medications for reflux from the doctor, who also prescribed her Reglan (to speed up digestion). I decided not to even fill that prescription, mostly due to the possible neurological side effects! Now, I continue to see commercials asking, "Has your baby taken Reglan? Does your baby now have tardive dyskonisia? Call our law firm for a class action suit!" Thank God I didn't give her that mess!

Life is stressful with her being so fussy all the time. It's hard to even enjoy having her. Everyone says just get through it and she'll outgrow it. I don't want to just get through it though, I want to remember every minute because it goes by fast, I can't ever get this time back, and she's my last baby.

Despite her fussiness, Annabelle started smiling around 7 weeks. She LOVES to be on her changing table. She smiles every time she's on it. Who knew a baby enjoyed getting a new diaper so much! I just love my little angel! She even laughed twice, once when I tickled her stomach and once when we put diaper rash cream on her. She absolutely loves her bath now too!

I'm an aunt...AGAIN!!

My new baby nephew was just born about 3:00 this afternoon! 8 lbs, 19 inches and healthy! My sister didn't feel any pain and he was born after about 10 minutes of pushing! (She is pretty lucky!) I can't wait to see pictures of him and I so wish I could have been there with her! Thank you, Lord, for a precious, healthy baby! I love you my sissy-poo and my baby Ryan!

1 Month Old- A Few Pictures of My Little Princess!

My Pretty Princess!

They are almost both making the same ridiculous face

I love this picture, it looks like she's running in place to me!

Annabelle's Birthday!

Monday, April 19, 2010. I had an 8:00 am appointment with my high risk doctor to attempt a third amniocentesis. They sonographer did an ultrasound first. She took measurements and estimated Annabelle to weigh 7 lbs, 1 oz. We were both so shocked because I expected her to weigh about 5 lbs. Especially since I only gained around 10 lbs the whole time I was pregnant!


The doctor came in and found a really small pocket of fluid to try to get to. He threw his tie over his shoulder and went to work fast sanitizing my stomach with iodine. They said they didn't numb you for the procedure, so I prepared myself for another painful few minutes like the Friday before on my second amnio attempt. Once he got the needle through the uterus, she moved her back against it like the 2 times before. The sonographer said, "I'm just going to grab the baby and move her over." That sent me into a slight panic, but I guess she knew what she was doing. It was in and over within a few seconds, almost totally painless and super fast! Nothing like my 2 last tries at it! I asked to see the fluid and was so amazed that this was what my baby was floating in for 9 months. I made Jeremy look but he was mostly disgusted by it. I told him that we could tell her when she got bigger that we saw her pee before we ever met her!


They sent it off to the lab to test for lung maturity and said they would call around lunch time. I cheated on my bed rest and we went to the dollar tree for some things to give the boys at the hospital after Annabelle was born. We went to Hobby Lobby and I got a few things to finish up some letter orders. Every time Jeremy's cell phone rang, our hearts sank and one of us would scramble for the phone, but every time it was someone other than the doctor's office.


We finally got home and decided to start gathering things for the hospital suitcase. Jeremy cooked some cheese sticks for me. As he was heating up the sauce, the phone rang and it was the high risk doctor's office. They said her lungs were mature! I gave my regular OB's office a call to let them know, but they insisted on documentation from the other office before they would even give me a day to come in for the c-section. They ended up calling about 2 minutes later and asking when I had eaten last. It had been about 4 hours since breakfast, but my lunch was literally on the stove and waiting. They said, "If you want this done, go to the hospital right now!"


I scrambled to call my mother-in-law who had our boys at preschool. She wouldn't answer and my hands were shaking so bad. We scrambled around the house trying to piece the rest of our suitcase together. We got to the hospital, they hooked up my IV and started pumping me full in overdrive!


It all happened SO FAST! When it came time for my c-section, about 2 hours later, I walked off to the OR, so TERRIFIED!!!! They don't let anyone come back with you until they get your spinal in and get you opened up. So, the nurse (Gena, who I irritated to no end in all of my trips and stays in labor & delivery) let me hold her hands. The anaesthesiologist put in the numbing meds and inserted the catheter. I sorta jumped but he said it was OK. They asked if my legs felt heavy. They didn't. They told me to lay down. I turned around and laid down with no problems. They kept asking if I felt any different, if my legs were tingly? They went to put in my catheter to drain my pee- I felt everything! The anaesthesiologist and my doctor just looked at each other because I could pick my legs up and move them all around. I could feel him pinching my stomach, I felt it all!

I was so terrified that they were going to cut me open while I could still feel everything. The anaesthesiologist said that he could try doing another spinal or epidural. I didn't want to go through sticking another needle in my spine to not have it work again. So, they had to put me to sleep. I do remember my doctor stabbing me 3 times in my previous c-section scar before I got any pain meds or was put to sleep. She just kept apologizing and I was yelling in agony. I have no idea what she was doing though....

I remember waking up back in the delivery room with the satan of all nurses.... the lady with the blue eye shadow. She was my arch nemesis. I had warned all of the other nurses that I didn't want her touching me. Of course, I wake up and she is digging into my flesh and "massaging my uterus." I also remember assaulting her at least once. She was kneading away on my stomach and I grabbed her arm and pushed it away. Only problem was that I couldn't let go. I felt like rigamortis had set in and I had no control over my muscles. She told me to let her arm go and I told her I couldn't. She got mad and left. She also kept getting mad because I would press my pain pump too many times and it would alarm. Looking back, I should have told her where to shove it.

Jeremy tried to show me a picture of Annabelle. She had black hair. All I kept saying was that she had a rug on her head and that wasn't my baby. I was in so much pain and I didn't even want to hold her when they finally brought her in. I don't think I held her until she was 2 days old.

I had my tubes tied so I am very thankful knowing I'll never have to experience that pain or fear again!! My little angel is here and healthy and I am so grateful!

Annabelle's First Photo Shoot

I promise I will someday get around to writing about her birth, but for now, here are some pictures of my little angel!

Introducing Annabelle Grace Wright!

The amnio was a no-go.....

We went yesterday for our amniocentesis. I knew beforehand that there could be issues because my placenta is in the front of my stomach and my doctor couldn't go through the placenta with a needle.

They found a pocket of fluid and rushed to get the needle in and as soon as it went through the uterus, Annabelle moved her back into the needle. About 5 minutes or so passed by where the doctor would wiggle the needle around and pushing it in and out. Then, she took it out because they couldn't get to any fluid with the baby in the way. So, a PJC student ran through the hospital looking for another needle. They stuck me again, this time with no numbing medicine. The second time hurt pretty bad. It also makes a loud popping sound when the needle finally goes through the uterus... it's disturbing! Again, she backed into it and we were unable to collect any fluid.

My doctor set up an appointment for Monday morning with my perinatologist to give it another shot. He feels completely comfortable going through my placenta if he has to. I'm not completely sure of the risks of doing that, but I would imagine internal bleeding or separating the placenta from the uterus. I definitely plan on asking and weighing the risks before I let them do anything.

Thankfully, I'll be in the better hospital that has a NICU just in case something were to go wrong while I'm there.

Who knows when this baby will come out! I just want her to be alive and healthy!

Tomorrow's the big day- will she stay or will she go now?

I'm going to be probed with a torpedo needle tomorrow morning. At least, I hope and pray that they can do the test! I need Annabelle to cooperate and my placenta to get out of the way!

If her lungs are mature, I'll have a c-section Saturday morning. Pray for me, my sanity, my baby girl, and my cooperative placenta!

We should have results tomorrow afternoon if we are able to do the test.

I've had 4 contractions along with back and stomach cramps in the last 48 minutes. Maybe labor is happening on it's own!

35 Weeks, I look ridiculous!

I think an alien is trying to emerge from my body! She must have been turned, pointing straight out! Put a fork in me because I am done!

35 Weeks

I had my doctor's appointment this morning. We are shooting for an amniocentesis next Friday, the 16th and if her lungs are mature, we'll do a c-section Saturday Morning. Wow- 1 week away from such a life changing event! I am so nervous and excited and so ready! I only slept for about 2 hours last night. Just long enough for me to dream that I was looking for a baby sitter to watch my boys while I went to my daughter's funeral. It was such a horrible feeling and scene to picture. I just want her out and alive!

The doctor checked me and I am 1 centimeter dilated and 75% effaced, maybe she'll make a debut on her own before next week!

Let's list my illnesses!

Well, here we go, this is my list of complications so far: (I just wanted to see how long it really was)

Blood clotting disorder, on blood thinning medications.
Placental tear.
Subchronic hematoma (blood clot in the placenta).
Bladder infection.
Gallstones.
Gallbladder sludge (small, grainy gallstones in bile-yummy!)
Bleeding.
Can't take a crap.

I'm sure there's more that I'm forgetting!

The Hospital Sucks!

Yep, the hospital sucks. My day consists of waiting for the next meal to be delivered and watching reruns on basic cable. I've only got 2 days down so far! I keep telling myself...make it 2 weeks and 5 days and we can test her lungs for maturity & get her out! I've been feeling dizzy all day and had to unplug my cords in a panic twice because I thought I was going to puke. I've got another ultrasound scheduled tomorrow, so we'll see how little Belle is doing. I think I'm gonna go crazy and develop bed sores like old people....

I plan on moving into the hospital I guess...

I spent 3 days in the hospital this week. I got up like an ordinary Monday morning, got one baby off to preschool, bathed the other, and myself, got some make up on and went to the bathroom. I just needed to quickly pee before Josh and I headed off to Wal-Mart. I went to sit down and was surprised to see my underwear full of blood and fluid. (Sorry TMI I know...)

I first kind of went into shock seeing so much more blood than what I had last week. I searched for the phone and called my husband at work, shaking and frantically trying to dial the correct numbers. I had to call it 3 times to get the call to go through! All I could say, shaking so badly, was "I'm pouring blood." Jeremy says, "Ok, I'm on my way." We made our second journey in a week to the hospital. I was having bad pain in my lower back and alot of pressure low in my stomach. They admitted me, but couldn't find a reason for the bleeding. They gave me 2 shots over 24 hours to help Annabelle's lungs mature, started me on an IV, antibiotics, and a medicine to stop contractions (which is dangerous because it can lower the baby's kidney function, which lowers the amount of amniotic fluid).

They finally released me yesterday to go see my high risk doctor at Sacred Heart because I already had an appointment scheduled for that day. My OB said she wouldn't be surprised if he wanted to admit me for the rest of the pregnancy, and she would also be comfortable keeping me at Santa Rosa, but just to go and see what he thought and if saw anything they missed.

He did see a small tear where the placenta is separated from the uterine wall. Belle and I both didn't appear to be under stress, so he recommend complete bed rest. No getting up for anything but peeing and quick showering. Hard to do when you have a 3 and 5 year old. I'm on my first day of bed rest and going crazy already! Every time I get up, I have a contraction. My stomach gets so tight it almost feels impossible to wall and I think my stomach may explode! I had some more bleeding this morning too, but not too bad.

My high risk doctor wants me to be monitored twice a week. I have an appointment for a biophysical fetal profile and non-stress test tomorrow afternoon. My husband almost feels like they should just admit me back to the hospital because it is so hard to be home and really not get up, especially with the kids. I just don't know how I'm gonna do this. We were supposed to have my son's 3rd birthday party next weekend too, and Easter the next day. How do I do this?

On top of the "placental abruption," I've read that the risk for a normal person with a small tear is having it tear more, and not necessarily bleeding because the blood could get trapped behind the placenta and uterus, so it is a "concealed abruption" which is really dangerous because you are internally bleeding and can go into shock without having any warning signs. Well, top this off with me and my blood thinner and aspirin, my chance of bleeding is greater. It is starting to terrify me of the "what-if''s" if I'm not constantly being monitored.

On the ultrasound Monday and Wednesday, Belle had not grown any since last week. What if her nutrients are being cut off by the abruption because she isn't growing. See, I'm gonna go crazy! I'm still having contractions and bad back cramps. I want her to be safe and healthy when she is born, but which is more risky, having a premature baby or risking a complete abruption, me hemorrhaging and her dying? I'm going crazy!!

Bleeding and a fun day at the hospital!

I woke up yesterday morning, went to pee, (as my husband was walking out the door to go to work), and noticed blood in the toilet. I made him come look (no, he was not happy about my request and was hesitant to look at the gift I might have been making him check out in the toilet). I told him that I shouldn't be bleeding at all and we should probably go to the hospital.

My mother-in-law took my boys to preschool with her. This was heart wrenching for me to let my baby Joshua go, as he had never been before and I thought he would be afraid to go. Thankfully, they let him stay with her in her classroom and he loved it!

We checked in and they admitted me to labor & delivery, got me into a gown and on the baby monitor. My doctor finally came to make her rounds and wanted to check things out in the nether regions. She put in the metal speculum and said she couldn't see any blood. She took it out and went to check my cervix to see if I was dilated. As she pulled out her hand, she says you aren't dilated and you aren't bleeding any more. She looks down and says, "Well, you are now..." She pulled up her hand, covered in blood and we both exchange a look of terror. There was blood all over the bed too. She thinks she ripped something with the speculum. She got the bleeding to stop and I stayed on the monitor all day, having quite a few contractions too.

I asked for some breakfast and our wonderful hospital staff sends me a plate of 2 pieces of bacon and a piece of sausage. Perfect heart attack on a platter! I don't eat meat, so needless to say, I starved.

We finally got to leave at 3:00 yesterday afternoon and I haven't had any problems since. This was a big wake up call for me though, getting caught off guard with no clothes or bottles clean, and nothing ready for myself or Annabelle for when the big day does really come. I need to get on that.....

30 Weeks, We Have A Name, and I Finished her bedding!

Today marks 30 weeks and 4 days (according to my doctor's calculations). I had an appointment yesterday, a day early because I've been having bad cramping in my lower back and lower stomach. I sat on the fetal monitor for an hour, until my butt and the rest of my body was so numb I couldn't move! I didn't have any contractions, but did get to hear our baby girl having hiccups in the process- a quite hilarious experience to listen to! My doctor said to call back if the pain doesn't go away in a few days because it could be kidney stones. I was in bad pain last night, but hopefully it will go away soon!

I should be attempting the amniocentesis in about 5 weeks from Friday. I hope I am making the right decision by doing this and letting them take her early. I hope this is the right decision for her health and not just because I am selfish and want her here sooner, I just want her here alive!

Speaking of HER, she has a name now, officially! Annabelle Grace! I had to just suck it up and name her so I could get her wall letters and other accessories ordered and made! I'll probably always call her Belle.

Feeling the pressure of her fast approaching arrival, I finished up the last side of her crib bumper, whipped up a crib sheet (which I am pretty proud of myself for accomplishing!), and finally got her crib skirt delivered! I was afraid of the skill and amount of fabric it would take to make a crib skirt, so I settled for a store-made one instead. I'm not 100% fond of it, but it works.

So, here are some photos of my work! I still have some black swirly trees with birds to put somewhere on the walls, along with her letters- if I ever get them and finish them in a timely manner, and a few canvas pictures I plan to make.

Coming to grips with the due date...

Well, my doctor insists from the first ultrasound they did that I am 10 days behind where I should be based on my last period. This really irritates me to the bone because I know 100% for sure what my dates were, but they continue to insist my body must have been off track that month.

So, as the date nears, I have to come to accept the due date they are using because they aren't changing their minds. So, we'll go with May 14 instead of May 4. Oh well...what's 10 extra days, right? EVERYTHING to a pregnant woman!

I did have an ultrasound done yesterday. I should have been 28 weeks, 6 days based on the due date they are using. Amazingly, my precious baby girl measured 31 weeks and 4 days. So who do you think has the right calculations here?

A Baby In 9 Weeks!

WOOOO HOOOOO! I now start going to my OB every 2 weeks from here on out! I asked about doing the amnio at 36 weeks to test for lung maturity and she said it was up to me if we did it or not. I told her I didn't want to have made it this far just to develop some massive blood clot and lose her. She agreed and said she wants a healthy, mature baby and a happy mom!

So, they are putting off my glucose screening and blood work until 2 weeks from now. I will also get my wonder RhoGam shot in the butt at that appointment. At 32 weeks I will start going every week for my ultrasound and NST (non-stress test).

Since they refuse to go by my date and are sticking to their own incorrect due date, that will put me at 36 weeks on April 16...However, now looking at the calendar and seeing that date is so frightening!!! My son's birthday is April 4 so that just won't do! How can I afford two birthday parties so close together?!?!!?