I plan on moving into the hospital I guess...

I spent 3 days in the hospital this week. I got up like an ordinary Monday morning, got one baby off to preschool, bathed the other, and myself, got some make up on and went to the bathroom. I just needed to quickly pee before Josh and I headed off to Wal-Mart. I went to sit down and was surprised to see my underwear full of blood and fluid. (Sorry TMI I know...)

I first kind of went into shock seeing so much more blood than what I had last week. I searched for the phone and called my husband at work, shaking and frantically trying to dial the correct numbers. I had to call it 3 times to get the call to go through! All I could say, shaking so badly, was "I'm pouring blood." Jeremy says, "Ok, I'm on my way." We made our second journey in a week to the hospital. I was having bad pain in my lower back and alot of pressure low in my stomach. They admitted me, but couldn't find a reason for the bleeding. They gave me 2 shots over 24 hours to help Annabelle's lungs mature, started me on an IV, antibiotics, and a medicine to stop contractions (which is dangerous because it can lower the baby's kidney function, which lowers the amount of amniotic fluid).

They finally released me yesterday to go see my high risk doctor at Sacred Heart because I already had an appointment scheduled for that day. My OB said she wouldn't be surprised if he wanted to admit me for the rest of the pregnancy, and she would also be comfortable keeping me at Santa Rosa, but just to go and see what he thought and if saw anything they missed.

He did see a small tear where the placenta is separated from the uterine wall. Belle and I both didn't appear to be under stress, so he recommend complete bed rest. No getting up for anything but peeing and quick showering. Hard to do when you have a 3 and 5 year old. I'm on my first day of bed rest and going crazy already! Every time I get up, I have a contraction. My stomach gets so tight it almost feels impossible to wall and I think my stomach may explode! I had some more bleeding this morning too, but not too bad.

My high risk doctor wants me to be monitored twice a week. I have an appointment for a biophysical fetal profile and non-stress test tomorrow afternoon. My husband almost feels like they should just admit me back to the hospital because it is so hard to be home and really not get up, especially with the kids. I just don't know how I'm gonna do this. We were supposed to have my son's 3rd birthday party next weekend too, and Easter the next day. How do I do this?

On top of the "placental abruption," I've read that the risk for a normal person with a small tear is having it tear more, and not necessarily bleeding because the blood could get trapped behind the placenta and uterus, so it is a "concealed abruption" which is really dangerous because you are internally bleeding and can go into shock without having any warning signs. Well, top this off with me and my blood thinner and aspirin, my chance of bleeding is greater. It is starting to terrify me of the "what-if''s" if I'm not constantly being monitored.

On the ultrasound Monday and Wednesday, Belle had not grown any since last week. What if her nutrients are being cut off by the abruption because she isn't growing. See, I'm gonna go crazy! I'm still having contractions and bad back cramps. I want her to be safe and healthy when she is born, but which is more risky, having a premature baby or risking a complete abruption, me hemorrhaging and her dying? I'm going crazy!!